When you think about pregnancy you
picture love, security and bonds that pull relationships closer. It
is every person’s right to live in a safe relationship that nurtures
and lends support – a relationship free of harm. Now is the time
to be sure about your relationship – before you welcome a new
life. About 40% of woman abuse starts during a woman’s first
pregnancy. Emotional abuse often comes first. The woman is insulted,
threatened, put down in public, blamed and told what to do. If left
unchecked, this control can turn into physical abuse – slapping,
hitting, shoving and more. It only gets worse over time.
Why do women suffer abuse? They may become
survivors by shutting out their reality. Thoughts like, “My baby
needs a father,” may keep a woman in a harmful relationship for
years. Staying can be what hurts the unborn child the most. Battering
can cause miscarriages, premature labour and stillbirths. Women might
also turn to drugs or alcohol to cope, putting a developing baby in
more danger.
Unveiling abuse
Strong differences in beliefs could be warning signals
that your relationship could become abusive.
You notice:
•
Depression
•
Sleep disturbance or nightmares
•
Eating disorders
•
Hopelessness or mood swings
•
Confusion
•
Unusual physical complaints
•
Anxiety or tension
•
Upsetting flashbacks
If you answered YES to any of these questions
you might want to take a closer look at your relationship. Facing differences
now will be easier than letting them take their toll when a pregnancy
comes along.
Fill
your family album with smiles, not bruises
Having a baby does not make a bad relationship better;
it adds to the stress. Start your family in a healthy way. Know your
relationship. Your values and beliefs about togetherness tell you how
you will treat each other in a relationship. Check the list below to
see how your answers compare.
Pre-parenting promises
You have certain strengths as a couple now. You can build on those.
Finish the following sentences:
Through this exercise you have had a chance to think about your own
relationship. Sadly, it is common to discover a relationship that is
destructive and abusive.
But remember that your right to freedom from abuse is more valuable than a marriage
or relationship that destroys you. Women should never be afraid to reach out
for help. Don’t feel guilty, ashamed or blame yourself for a failing relationship.
Now is the time to make important decisions for yourself and for the health of
the baby you are dreaming about.
• if
you are in danger, call 911
• Assaulted Women's
Help Line: 1-866-863-0511 (toll free) or 416-863-0511
(in Greater Toronto Area)
• Victim Support
Line 1-888-579-2888
• health care provider
• crisis centre
• sexual assault
services
• women's shelters
• if you are an
abuser consult Canada’s
Programs for Men Who Abuse Their Partners
